Here's a NYT op-ed piece on the "pro-gay" party. The Democratic party has reached a crossroads. The passage of Prop 8 shows that the Democrats need to deal with the fact that their "Big Tent" covers enemy factions.
It is a common accusation of the overwhelmingly Democratic gay community, that any homosexual (like me) who is not a Democrat, is necessarily "self-hating." The supposed truism is that the Democratic party is the pro-gay party. Even before Prop 8 was passed, in one of the bluest states in the union, a cursory examination of the facts shows that, while individual Democrats tend to be more accepting of homosexuality than Republicans (because they tend to be more secular than Republicans), the Democratic party is hardly pro-gay. Don't Ask Don't Tell and DOMA, which are the defining anti-gay federal laws passed in the last 15 years, were passed by a Democratic president. During the Vice-Presidential Debate, Joe Biden emphatically expressed his opposition to gay marriage, a sentiment Barack Obama shares.
To oppose special "gay rights" is not the same as being a "self-hating" gay. To not see your sexuality as the defining characteristic of your character, or your interests, is not the same as being a "self-hating" gay. Furthermore, to align yourself with a party just because it doesn't hate you as much, is not the same as being a "self-loving" gay.